How conflict deepens relationships

In order to have healthy relationships, one must embrace conflict.

Convergence, by Jackson Pollock, 1952

Conflicts come from disagreement, an inevitable part of relevant relationships. They should, though, be limited to disagreements that matter, that affect the people involved and/or the relationship itself. Conflicting over unimportant subjects only drains energy and connection. It pulls people apart. Conflict shall be the way to address sensitive subjects that are important to the point of arguing.

Conflict is obviously wrapped in feelings. Feelings are the thermometer to get to the conclusion of what matters. One won’t argue about something that brings no feelings, so feelings can (and must) be present when conflicting. They must be expressed in the most clear, complete and honest possible way, so understanding is built – and with it, connection. Sharing how you feel, what caused the feeling and every detail about it is the best gift you can give yourself and the loved one you are conflicting to. It is rich information that will build up over time and make you know each other more – an effective alternative to the guessing we are obligated to deal with on our everyday relationships.

There is one feeling to light up when conflicting – love. With love, a fundamental aspect of healthy conflicting is met: total honesty combined with care not to offend. At the beginning of a conflict, always remember you are going to argue because the presence of love, and not the lack of it.

Also, there is one feeling to avoid when aiming to conflict wisely: anger. Anger blinds us so we can’t stick to conflict – we are automatically driven to fighting. When fighting, you are trying to prove your point. You become a terrible listener and you are usually prone to offending. You are attached to your view of the situation, to your opinion – such attachment blocks any possibility of influencing and being influenced, an openness necessary in all conversations which goal is common agreement where all the parties yield a bit.

Disagreement is an essential part of life and relationships. Reflecting on better ways to disagree is not only fundamental for deep and honest relationships, but an act of love (for oneself and for others).

How do you deal with conflicts in relationships? Please comment!

Please remember that English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes or weird word arrangements. Help me improve by sending an email to contacthoneytea at gmail dot com or commenting if you find anything wrong or bad-sounding!

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9 responses to “How conflict deepens relationships

  1. With lots of communication and respect. Always remembering and reminding the other/others that being upset doesn’t mean is ok to be cruel. There is a difference between to be angry and to cruel. Once people remember that is easier to find a common ground, if not, there is not respect to begin with which is hard to trust thus not much for fight for there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are right: respect is fundamental and if there is a lack of it, there is nothing to fight about. Thank you for commenting 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much. You are right. The difficult part is not to be afraid of asking if your core deep values, too, need change.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wonderful post! I’m learning this lesson at times as I’m way to scared of conflict, but I began to see how necessary it is. That it is, unlike fighting, a way that isn’t meant to hurt others, is a good eye opening point for me, thanks 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • So glad it was helpful! Don’t be scared of conflict – think of it as a great way to achieve agreement. Also, how boring would this world be without variety of opinions? Thanks a lot for commenting.

      Liked by 1 person

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